Unattainable
by bubblybunnie
Summary: Mantantei Loki Ragnarok Side Story, Kakinouchi koutarou.... She was beautiful. Her shimmering pink hair fluttered as the wind caressed her hair. Her unique crimson eyes captivated his heart, as did her naiveté...
1. First Meeting

Unattainable  
  
Chapter 1  
  
She was beautiful. Her shimmering pink hair fluttered as the wind caressed her hair. Her unique crimson eyes captivated his heart, as did her naiveté. She was the one person I could not ask out as easily as I did all the other high school girls. She was special and having just a shallow relationship with her would not suffice. I have watched her and teased her. Made her feel not as appealing as the other girls I dated... even though she was the most beautiful of them all. Daidouji Mayura, the daughter of the local priest. The girl I could not reach.  
  
My obsession had started a few weeks into high school when I saw her for the first time. I had been talking to the weird class president about something inconsequential. She had come up to us eager and wearing weird glasses with swirls muttering, "mystery, it's a mystery!" At first, I had passed her off as the class geek, easily dismissed and ignored. I was above her, with my familial wealth and breeding. After all, I was the Kakinouchi heir and endured harsh training by my father to succeed him successfully when the time came. Coolly, I had walked down the hall ignoring her. I unwillingly turned back to glance at the strange girl and was surprised to see her without her glasses. They turned out to be a prop rather than a necessity for her to see. I looked at her eyes and was startled by the scarlet hues. Who had scarlet eyes anyway? Once I was home, I ordered one of the many underlings to find out more about her. I felt a need to know everything about her. Soon, my underlings returned with information, but I was not content. All it said was that she was the daughter of the priest in their vicinity and that her mother had passes away. She did not look like her mother or father. Which led me to question whether her hair and eye color were natural. I was dissatisfied with the thought that her she had colored them for attention, but I still needed to know. The next day I saw her again, and she was ecstatic that her mystery club was approved and somewhat disturbingly was bouncing off the walls in joy. I casually walked past her, hoping that she would notice my charisma and fall for me. However, she hopped down the hallway blissfully unaware of my handsomeness. In other words, another disappointing day.  
  
Gradually time passed, and her awareness of me did not grow as much as I wanted it to. She was ignorant about my growing infatuation that bordered on obsession. I had my private stash of photographs of her showing every expression that one could have. I starved for information on her, anything would suffice. Each day it was an ordeal controlling my own desires and the temptation to kidnap her and keep her to myself. I remembered that she stayed after school in the mystery club room and was tempted to stop by and make her love me. But I always chickened out in the end, for I found myself longing for her to reciprocate my affections rather than force them upon her. Unfortunately for me, there was no way to naturally go up to her and talk to her. In other words, I couldn't get to know her personally and it frustrated me.  
  
One day I had a surprising opportunity to talk to her. It was a tense situation for my family, and my father had asked me to personally supervise the necklace of Brisings, the next target for the phantom thief. Honestly though, what kind of name is the phantom thief?  
  
That night, my father hired tons of security. It seemed like a waste of capital. I had no idea why my father thought that he could save his jewelry from a thief who seemed to have supernatural powers. If the phantom thief could single handedly lift up a beam of steel, taking out all the security guards would pose no problem at all. I paced through the hallways, bored out of my mind, hoping that the thief would come and get the stealing done with so I could go home and rest. Passing by the lobby for the twenty-seventh time, I saw a shock of pink hair. Ecstatic since there was only one person with pink hair in a 10km vicinity, I walked up nonchalantly and said, "Oh it's you, Daidouji,"  
  
She looked up at me in surprise. Her eyes widening deliciously as she exclaimed, Koutarou kun! Why are you here?"  
  
Casually, I answer with all the breeding I could muster, "Hey, this is a private art museum owned by the Kakinouchi Financial Firm."  
  
Unconsciously, she repeats what I said, "The infamous Kakinouchi Financial Firm..." Her eyes begin to sparkle and she makes a chibi face and cries out in excitement, "Don't tell me your family is wealthy!"  
  
I narrow my eyes speculatively and arrogantly reply, "It's not really a big deal...Besides, I don't have anything to do with my parents' money." Strangely, I wanted to impress her and show her I wasn't dependent on my background... However, she seemed to have other ideas. Her eyes sparkled with greed and she exclaimed, "Let's be friends, Koutarou kun." At this, I sweat-drop. I wanted her undivided attention, but not like this. I didn't want my wealth to be the basis for our relationship. But, it was better than nothing.  
  
"Mayura, who is he?" a boy's voice interjected.  
  
"Kakinouchi Koutarou kun, we go to the same school. He's really wealthy!" Mayura san answers cutely. I look speculatively at the young boy. Luckily, he was too young for Mayura san and was no competition. The young boy had deep emerald eyes that were too keen for someone so young, and wore formal clothing that resembled the clothing of a typical English nobleman. Perhaps he was from a foreign country? Nevertheless, I bristled at his casual manner in regards to Mayura san and I ask, "Daidouji san, so who's he?"  
  
"Loki kun, he's a detective," she answers quickly, looking at me in almost a bragging manner. It was as if she really valued this relationship that she had with the boy.  
  
"Ah~," I say out loud, contemplating this new information. "A detective..."  
  
The boy looks up arrogantly and proclaims, "I'm Loki from the Enjaku Detective Agency." I blink at him in confusion. This boy was strange and I began to reform my opinion of him. He steps closer to me and asks, "Is the necklace in the display room?"  
  
I point behind me, not taking my eyes off him, perhaps he could be a clue to unlocking Mayura san's heart and reply, "Yeah, it's back there." After a moment's thought, I decide that I would observe him and briefly state, "Follow me." I lead him into the room that my father had specially designed for the necklace. There is a statue that was created to look exactly like the goddess Freya. However, like my father's other purchases, one could not be entirely sure. Loki gasps as he enters the room, he intently stares at the statue and the necklace beneath it.  
  
"Amazing, what a beautiful goddess. Which goddess is she? " Mayura san says breathlessly.  
  
The boy answers informatively, as if he was familiar with the statue itself, "She's the Nordic goddess, Freya." He turns to look at Mayura san and states with piercing eyes, "She's the goddess of kindness, beauty, and a mother-figure..." Loki then walks up to the necklace itself and mutters, "The necklace of Brisings.." It seemed as if he knew the origins of the necklace and I continued to observe the boy speculatively. He was no ordinary boy. He turns to look at me and queries in a soft voice, "Where and how did you get this necklace?"  
  
My eyes narrow further and I answer in the same tone, "I'm not sure... It seems to be have been in an auction. But I have no idea from where or by whom it was previously owned."  
  
"I see," he responds quietly. The adult next to him leans over and mutters something I couldn't catch into Loki's ear. The necklace it seemed had a strange connection to the boy in front of me. The question was... how? And would it have an effect on Mayura san and my relationship?  
  
We stop talking and I go back to observing Mayura san and the museum in general. Even though she was a distraction, I had to keep focused on the purpose at hand. Momentarily, there is a commotion and one of friends of Loki came to eat riceballs. Mayura san seems to hang around with strange people lately.  
  
The watches ticks, accurate to the thousandth of a second. Soon it nears the hour of eleven, and I am more alert. My brow crinkled in concentration. The appointed time was nearing. Suddenly, there is smoke and I feel sleepy. I desperately search for my precious Maruya san before the bitter darkness claims me to it's heavy grasp. 


	2. Game Over

Unattainable  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Morien Alexander: Thank you for reviewing~! It's so reassuring because it is the first fic that I ever got around to posting... :)  
  
Evil Kasumi: Uah~!! Thanks~! Um.. the reason I chose this pairing ... or... his infatuation was because it seemed that he did like her... although she was clueless. In the anime, he appears as a main support character in two episodes... and I just took it from there..  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Ah~!!"  
  
I glance over at Mayura san in bemusement. I had asked her and her friends to come visit one of my family's many business enterprises... in this case, an arcade. Currently, we were occupied with a zombie shooting game that was really profitable.  
  
"You're amazing, Loki kun," Mayura san said excitedly as she clapped her hands. Her eyes sparkled with glee and I felt a twinge of envy.  
  
My eyes narrowed once again in speculation as I coolly commented, "Eh... you're pretty good at this detective"  
  
Mayura san happily comments, "This is the first time I've seen someone get an 'All Clear.'" She was still clapping. If only she was as enthused about being with me alone, without the little detective.  
  
"Just as expected from Loki sama," praised the adult that was always accompanying Loki. His peculiar green eyes are large with adoration as he looks at Loki.  
  
"It's not a big deal," Loki says in a bored detached tone. The little brat couldn't be grateful that I am letting him play for free.  
  
"What's with you?" I say before I realize it. I suppose my indignation at his rude behavior won over my naturally easygoing manner. "Was this game, Living Dead Hunter, not interesting? It's the most popular game in our game center." "Oh really," Loki answers in the same bored, indifferent tone.  
  
"Geez, shopkeepers would lose their confidence if they saw that kind of attitude," I reply, my entrepreneur blood demanding that I find a game that would satisfy Loki.  
  
"But, don't we know that if Loki kun carries a gun around, he'll be fine even if zombies appear?" Mayura san says gleefully. She really is a sweet naive girl who didn't know anything.  
  
Loki sighs in resignation as he factually replied, "hey... this toy gun won't defeat real zombies, you know? Although it may be different if you had divine protection."  
  
Mayura san cutely puts her finger on her chin as she reflected on Loki's statement. "Oh, is that so?" She then asks what I wanted to say myself, "You act as if you've encountered a real zombie."  
  
"I guess," he says casually. "In any case, where is Reiya?"  
  
"I saw her at the crane game earlier..." the guardian replies uncertainly.  
  
"LOKI SAMA~!" Reiya cries out as she runs toward us, specifically Loki. She ran awkwardly holding a huge duck like thing that was almost as big as she was. "I won this!"  
  
Amazingly, Loki affectionately says, "Good, now you have a nice souvenir to take home." I was surprised that he was capable of such a tone. He was always somewhat haughty around Mayura san.  
  
"Yes!" the little girl shouts happily.  
  
Walking away, he smiles at Reiya and says, "Well then, shall we go back now?"  
  
"That sounds good," the girl cheerfully says as gazes at Loki in hero worship.  
  
Irritated at being ignored, I interject in a challenging voice, "Wait a moment! You can't tell me that you are satisfied, leaving like this..." I turn around with as much flair as possible. The lighting in the dim arcade adding a darker aura around my face, which made me seem more mysterious. "I'll show you the hardest challenge here."  
  
"The hardest challenge," Loki echoes, his face weary, but willing to participate.  
  
"It's our latest project. I think even you will be satisfied." I say as coolly as possible. As an entrepreneur's son, I cannot allow a customer to leave unsatisfied.  
  
"There is something like that? I want to see!" Mayura san runs up eagerly. I can almost picture her putting on those weird glasses and crying out, 'mystery, it's a mystery!' She turns to Loki to ask his opinion about the challenge. "Don't you, Loki kun?" Why can't she ask me? He's a child, whereas I am more suitable to be her companion. He turns away, obviously not interested. "Not really..." How could someone be so rude to someone as beautiful as Mayura. Once again, I wonder why things were this way. Why did Mayura san seem so focused when it came to Loki?  
  
My expression was pained as I attack Loki with my words, "No need to be shy. You'll definitely find it interesting." What was so special about Loki that attracted Mayura san so much? Was it only the fact that he was a detective? Or was there something else that I was missing?  
  
Mayura san cheerfully grabs Loki's shoulders and exclaims, "Then it's decided."  
  
"All right then, it's over here." I direct them with a wave of my hand and lead the way to a darker corner of the arcade. Here there are various Dracula related regalia complete with a haunted castle atmosphere.  
  
"Scary..." Reiya whimpers as she clutches her huge duck closer to her body. Hmph... at least someone is scared right now.  
  
"It's great isn't it?" I state proudly. This was the most innovative game created by the Kakinouchi firm and the top of the line in the game industry...although it hasn't been fully tested yet.  
  
I notice that Mayura san is standing next to me, and I leave my arm hanging out so she could grab onto it if she was too scared.  
  
"This is really amazing!" She cries out eagerly, followed by her most commonly used word, "Mystery!"  
  
"What is this thing?" Loki asks perplexed as he stared at the exhibit.  
  
I respond proudly, "Using all of our abilities, the development team gathered vampire items from all over the world."  
  
"Oh... vampire you say..." he answers, his eyes narrowing.  
  
Seeing Loki holding a knife with a red sheen, I factually state, "This one was found in a castle in Romania. It's a cursed, blood-sucking sword."  
  
"Hmm... this.." He muttered... and then turned around, "has made in China written on it." He was smirking.  
  
I sweat drop.  
  
"This lamp is.." Loki's guardian exclaims... I turn around trying to save face...  
  
"You have a good eye... This was up on a London Auction for..." I compliment him graciously.  
  
"980 yen, wasn't it?" the guardian interjects eagerly. "When I saw this in the mail-order catalogue I really wanted it. "  
  
I twitch. These people were just so hard to please and irritating! Who still ordered from mail-order catalogues anyway?  
  
"Loki sama, wouldn't this look great in our dining hall?"  
  
"Was this what you wanted to show us?" Loki asks teasingly. I felt humiliated, but I had one last ace up my sleeve.  
  
Sweating, I turn around, "Well.. the main attraction is.. " I pull off the covers and reveal a game that has a black coffin design with a cross on it. "The virtual reality simulator vampire action game." I look at Mayura san as I proclaim, "It's called Dracula's castle!"  
  
"Wow..Mystery!" Mayura san exclaims.  
  
I continue explaining, "We were going to debut this game in our next event."  
  
"Wow, that's amazing! I want to try!" She eagerly cries out.  
  
"Were you surprised? After all, in the stages where the battles are held, the objects as well as the mood is completely realistic. It scores full marks for intensity, too. And also, the employees who tested the game were so amazed it knocked them off their feet."  
  
"Wow... it's such an awesome game," She says as she grabs for the visor.  
  
"Yeah. Even though I say that it's amazing, I personally haven't tried it." I gaze into her eyes. Finally, her eyes were on me... only to see her jump over to Loki.  
  
"Hey, Loki kun, who goes first?" She asks, eager like a child being teased with a delicious lollipop.  
  
He turns away, his brow furrowed with irritation, "I really don't care who goes first."  
  
"Loki sama," Reiya says from behind a small pillar, obviously terrified from the display. "Reiya doesn't like it here. It's scary..."  
  
"Is that so?" Loki queries, gently angling his head in a soothing manner, "Then, let's go back and play some other games."  
  
Reiya's eyes glimmer gratefully as she thankfully answers, "Yes please."  
  
"Hey, what about this game?" Mayura asks.  
  
"It's fine if you go first," He says casually, already dismissing her.  
  
"Really? Is that okay?" She really didn't know what she was being coldly dismissed. Really, what sweet naiveté.  
  
Walking over to the game bench, I casually gesture, "Daidouji, why don't you go first? I'll prepare the game now."  
  
"Thanks~! Don't mind if I do," she happily says as she runs to sit down.  
  
I reach over to press the power button.  
  
Click...Click..  
  
"Huh? That's strange..." I say at the lack of response from the game. I lean over to Mayura san. "But it's plugged in.." I look over at her face set in concentration at the desire to play the game. "Hold on a minute, I'll go get the manual."  
  
"Ah.. Okay," she replies patiently. She really is a strange, interesting girl. Impatient one moment, then surprisingly patient the next.  
  
I walk away to the back and swiftly grab the manual. I wouldn't want to make her wait too long...  
  
"Sorry for making you wait Daidouji...Huh?" I look uncertainly around. Where did she go? She was so eager to play the game and now she had simply disappeared. Hmm... Maybe she was bored and went to rejoin her friends?  
  
Looking around some more, I called out to her, "Daidouji? Daidouji?"  
  
Hearing sound, I looked at the monitor and was surprised to see it working. "It turned on? How strange." Staring at the monitor, for a moment I thought I saw Daidouji... but that wasn't possible... right?  
  
Unconsciously carrying the manual, I walk over to her friends, "Hey, have you seen Daidouji?"  
  
"Huh? Isn't she playing the Dracula game?" Loki asks.  
  
"She's disappeared suddenly," I say, worried. It was strange that the moment we are together alone, it's as if fate wants us to stay apart and caused a disturbance.  
  
"She could have gone home," The green haired guardian speculated.  
  
"Even though she hasn't yet played the game...?" I ask softly. That wasn't like her at all.  
  
"Then, she probably found something weird and started chasing it, saying 'mystery, mystery.'" Loki said coolly. Obviously, he knew her very well.  
  
"Hmm.. maybe that's it...." I answer, but it was still strange. "Then, Loki, you go first. The game is already set up." Then while he is playing, I could search for her some more, and when I find her... I would express my concern, and she would start to fall slowly in love with me...  
  
"Demo..." Loki uncertainly says as he glances at Reiya.  
  
Reiya stands up and covers up Loki's cause for concern, "Reiya should be going home now. She had a lot of fun today!"  
  
"Oh.. is that so? Then I'll go see you off. Why don't you go first Kou- chan?" His expression was somewhat smug as he said this.  
  
"All right, I understand. Hurry up and come back," I reply. I go back to the game and stare at the monitor. It was still very peculiar. Hesitantly, I pick up the visor and put it on my head. Suddenly, I was going through something that resembled a wind tunnel and was very disoriented. Was this what the employees meant by 'it knocked them off their feet?'  
  
Then I find myself in a dusty room of the castle. The gargoyles stare at me malevolently, and I shudder. This was very real, and disturbing. I look around and come to a window. Looking out, I saw Mayura san, and attempted to find a way to reach her. Only to find myself surrounded by the high school girls I continuously flirted with.  
  
What was going on? I began to run away as they began to inch closer and closer to me. This is was more disturbing than Mayura san's relationship with Loki. I felt a hand wrap around my ankle and I stumbled to the ground. They all began to cling onto me and I felt suffocated. Something had gone wrong with the game. From the report it wasn't supposed to be like this. I attempted to pull them away from me only to be pulled into a wall. When I adjust to my surroundings, I realize that I am hanging on a wall.  
  
I hear footsteps and I wonder who it is... Loki's form is revealed in the dim light and I manage to say a warning.  
  
"Be careful, detective..." I gasp out.  
  
"Kou chan..." His eyes are worried and confused. The brat had a bigger heart than I thought. "KOU CHAN!" He began to run to me, only to be repelled by a force field.  
  
When I saw the force field, I knew that it was truly game over for me. "It's useless Loki. It's 'game over' for me already."  
  
"Where's Mayura?" He asks. As I am hanging, I realize that I was wrong about him. He really cares a lot for Mayura.  
  
"I don't know. This game wasn't supposed to be this real," I say. It was getting harder and harder to speak.  
  
"So... does this game have enemies?"  
  
"Yeah...This game makes use of the people the player knows, by turning them into enemy characters," I explain as succinctly as possible. There wasn't much time left for me.  
  
"So, those are the high school girls," he states matter-of-factly.  
  
Miffed, I shout, "That's none of your business!" He wouldn't understand the need to occupy oneself to control overly obsessive behavior over one person.  
  
"Anyways, I'll save you right now..."  
  
"LOKI!" I cry out, "Behind you!" Already the enemy has come and it looked like the green haired guardian.  
  
The two of them converse strangely about polite suffixes and such. Frustrated I yell, "Now is not the time to talk about that! Destroy the red stone that he has!"  
  
"Red stone?" He echoes. He really needs to stop repeated what I say. "Is that it?"  
  
"If you get past the enemies in all the stages. Defect Dracula. If it's you, you should be able to-" I manage to say before I slip into oblivion once again. Why is that I always seem to lose consciousness around Loki?  
  
_  
  
"Kakinouchi sama?"  
  
"Huh?" I mumble as I blearily look at my surroundings. "Where am I? What happened?" I demanded.  
  
"Kakinouchi sama, you are at home. After the game center manager notified us of your unconscious state we brought you home to rest," the servant replied humbly.  
  
"Did my companions get home safely?"  
  
"Yes, Kakinouchi sama. It seems that they regained consciousness with none the worse for wear."  
  
"Leave me," I ordered.  
  
After all my attempts, I am still one step behind a child. Mayura san... my beloved one. Is she just an unattainable dream? 


	3. Simply Unattainable

Unattainable  
  
Chapter 3  
  
rating pg-13  
  
disclaimer: Matantei Loki Ragnarok does not belong me. The song is from TaTu... "All the things she said."   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head  
  
This is not enough  
  
I wonder when things began to go awry. She had been my dream. My hope. How was I supposed to know that the future would turn out like this? I look at her, holding him tenderly, when it should have been me. I was the one who had watched her for so many years. Guided her with an invisible hand in hopes that she would slowly, but surely fall in love with me. Wasn't that the dream of every man? To find the girl who made one's blood rush and made tender, protective feelings surface? I wanted to rage and cry out to the gods. Ironically, you fell for one. How could I compare to him?   
  
I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost  
  
If I'm asking for help it's only because  
  
Being with you has opened my eyes  
  
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?  
  
I think I remember the first time I saw you outside of school. It was really difficult to pinpoint your favorite hangout spots. Especially since you were not close with the rest of the high school girls. Ironically, the source of information that I had relied on was the one that trapped me from reaching you. As a result, for an interminable amount of time, I was unable to spend time with you. I felt bitter, but willing to bear with it, since you did not seem to have any inclinations toward my gender. Still, I couldn't believe my luck when I met you at my family's private art gallery. Who would have thought that a simple thing as a mystery would bring you to me? I was thankful to see you, although the circumstance was not ideal. Your simple zest at life renewed my hopes to attain you. To be able to hold you whenever I wanted to. Though that privilege belongs to him. Still, some of the comments you made, although clichéd, opened my mind to see life in a more simplistic, yet optimistic manner. I fell in love with a paradox. A clueless one at that.   
  
I keep asking myself, wondering how  
  
I keep closing my eyes  
  
But I can't block you out  
  
Wanna fly to a place where  
  
It's just you and me  
  
Nobody else so we can be free  
  
You belong to him now. Yet, I still cannot help but cling onto the hope that you would look my way as you look at him. That gentle, loving smile that has matured over the years. When I sleep, I see you holding me, looking at me with those sparkling ruby eyes, glazed with passion. I see you holding his hands, and when I dream, it is mine. I know it is hopeless. I must find a woman to bear the next Kakinouchi heir. But, it feels impossible. No one can live up to you. I want my child to have pink hair, or crimson eyes that sparkle with joy. If only he did not appear in the picture. If you never met him and involved me instead in your mystery hunting. If only I had not been so proud. I would be the one holding you close, being gifted with your precious self. And this life would have meaning. I wish I can set you free from him. But I know that you love him. You would not leave him, had I offered you the most extravagant creature comforts.  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head  
  
This is not enough  
  
This is not enough  
  
All the things she said   
  
All the things she said  
  
"Kakinouchi san. Thank you for coming. Your friendship has been very precious to me. And I am very happy that I know you. Thank you for coming," you said with happy tears spilling from your unique eyes.   
  
It was your wedding day. The day that all women dreamed of. The day I dreamed of, with you as my bride. Strangely, I expected gaudy and grotesque decorations, but he has calmed your thirst for the strange, unsolved objects and mysteries. Rose petals line the aisles and the temple has an ethereal quality. It was a tiny gathering of people that you and him had invited. A part of me wished that I wasn't on the guest list. Then I wouldn't have to suffer like this. I wouldn't have to see you kiss another man and promise your life to his. But, I couldn't help but come. Perhaps a masochistic streak is revealing itself as I watch you. Even when it feels like a thousand needles are slowly driven into my body as you look at him with an aching softness and hope.   
  
And I'm all mixed up  
  
feeling cornered and rushed  
  
They say it's my fault but I want her so much  
  
I look at him in anger and jealousy. I have always attained all I have ever wanted. After, money is power. And my family has tons of it. Tabloids have posted that we are sinfully wealthy and there is no end to the prestige of the Kakinouchi name. Yet, I could not buy her. She is slowly walking down the aisle, toward her intended holding her father's arm. I couldn't do a single thing about it and I am torn. She loved him. However, I wanted to run up to her, and drag her away. She should have been mine. I was the one who had suffered and loved her. Yet she was marrying him, a god who shouldn't have been alive.   
  
Wanna fly her away where the sun and the rain  
  
Come in over my face,  
  
wash away all the shame  
  
Crazy thoughts began to form as the distance between the two shortened. Would it be wrong to kidnap her at her own wedding and hide out in some cave where no one can see or know? Where I can see her and hold her forever? Her eyes would condemn me at first, but she would forgive me over time. Like all love stories that have happy endings. And over time, she was fall in love with me even in her captivity.   
  
When they stop and stare-don't worry me  
  
'Cause I'm feeling for her  
  
what she's feeling for me  
  
And even though, my family would come after me. When they demand that I return and take my place at the head of the Kakinouchi Corporation. I would turn my head and look only at her. She would look at me with those same soft eyes and embrace me tenderly. At this, I would whisper loving little nothings in her ears and we would be together always. The world would mean nothing to us.   
  
"You may now kiss the bride."  
  
I look up startled. Was it over already? Had I lost my chance? They lean closer to each other. He has a tender look that I have never seen before and he gently kisses her on the lips. Her eyes are blissfully closed, with happy tears leaking out like diamonds sparkling in the sun. I turn away and leave the wedding. How can I bear to look at her now? He has complete dominance over her now. She belongs to him in the eyes of the world as well as in the spiritual sense.   
  
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget  
  
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head  
  
Months pass, and I sink deeper and deeper into oblivion. I hear that you are pregnant. That he is ecstatic and showers you with gifts. He can since he is a god. My closest friend is the alcohol that rushes through my system. I can forget for a little bit when I am in a drunken stupor. In my stupor, I can dream that you are mine, even when I know in my heart; you were always his. I can dream about when we were still in high school and you were innocent. A time when you would look at me because of my wealth and he was only a child, restricted in power. Who would have thought that he would relinquish his quest to return to the world of gods to stay with you? Why did he have to be that man who made your head spin that time we went to the bakery? Even in my dreams of the past, he is there haunting me. Laughing at me for having attained something I have wanted for so long.   
  
Mother looking at me  
  
Tell me what do you see?  
  
Yes, I've lost my mind  
  
"Sir, your mother wishes to speak with you."   
  
"Go away old man. I do not wish to see her," I lash out on the messenger. How dare he interrupt me in my dreams? It is the only place where I can be with her and imagine her without him.  
  
"Kou chan."  
  
I wince. That is what he always called me. I blearily lift my eyes to see the figure of a woman and I glare at her, refusing to answer.  
  
"Kou chan. What is wrong dear? You haven't been yourself. Drinking like this..." His mother clucked disapprovingly. "You are the heir of the Kakinouchi Corporation. You cannot be doing this!"  
  
"Shut up," I whisper cruelly. "Just shut up! Go away! Curse you for bearing me! It's your fault I could not have her. Just leave!" I scream at her bitterly.   
  
Shocked, she whirls around and slams the door. I can hear her ordering the servant to never allow me to drink alcohol ever again. I smile a twisted heartless smile. It doesn't matter what she does. I will always win over her at least.  
  
Daddy looking at me  
  
Will I ever be free?  
  
Have I crossed the line?  
  
"Koutarou Kakinouchi."  
  
"Yes Father," I answer dutifully. I am sober now. Unfortunately.   
  
  
  
"I am sending you to New York until you get over this silly obsession over a married woman. You are going there to meet your fiancée," He commanded coolly. His piercing gray eyes raked over my rumpled form. "You are simply pathetic. I did not raise you to be a slob. You have simply overdone it." He turns away to look at the stunning view of the city from the high-rise office. "You are dismissed."  
  
I walk away, tears clouding my vision. As I softly close the door behind me I hear one last word from my father.  
  
"Pathetic."  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head....  
  
The plane is ascending. I have lost her. She was never mind to begin with. I wept.  
  
Mayura.  
  
Thank you for reading! :) 


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